my phone needs a breathalizer
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
