I think I am morally bankrupt
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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