Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
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