i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
