They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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