Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
