It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
