you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
