Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
