Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize