just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Come share oat with me in your robe
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
