In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
