Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
