I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
