Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
