dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
