She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
