i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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