fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
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