My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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