it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
