I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
he thought i was a dude.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize