Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
