So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
