I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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