So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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