We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
