Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Are my feet made of real feet?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
