I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
