There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
