So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
