Yo dont text me then not text me
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
