i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
