Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
