Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
