Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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