booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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