He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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