Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
