I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
