My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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