i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
