maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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