So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
