dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
