Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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