You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
