he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
