Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
