Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
