I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
