Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
