you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
