I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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