I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
