I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
