I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
