Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
