ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
