I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
