He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Randomize
