you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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