i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
