Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
