I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
