I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
