Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
