I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
