I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
