His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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