Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
