hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
