grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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