Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
