We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Four minutes until I can fart!
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
