the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Church boner. Awkwardddd
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
